Thursday Thinking - Intentional Marriage

Lasting marriages with healthy and deepening relationships require intentionality. Distance, blame, and miscommunication can diminish even the best of marriages. Just one person being thoughtful and deliberate can make a marriage a whole lot better.

Here are 15 essential tips from Dr. Harriet Lerner posted on the Psychology Today website. If you're married, you are likely to find something helpful here that could invigorate your relationship with your spouse.

1. Warm things up. Make at least two positive comments every day to your partner and speak to the specifics about what you admire (“I loved how funny you were at the party last night”). Make sure that your positive comments exceed critical ones by a healthy margin.

2. Dial down the criticism. Many folks value criticism at the early stage of a relationship, but become more allergic to it over time. Get more bite marks on your tongue, by letting all but the most important issues go by. When you have a criticism, make it in three sentences or less. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired.

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Mark your calendars! Valley Christian Church will be having our Married Couples Retreat on February 21-22, 2014.
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